Please Don't Let Your New Year's Resolution Be A Daily Reminder of Why You Hate Yourself

Please Don’t Let Your New Year’s Resolution Be A Daily Reminder of Why You Hate Yourself

 

Oftentimes, New Year’s resolutions become a corporate way of practicing self-hatred. My resolutions would often fixate on an external attribute (i.e my body, my organization skills).  I vowed to reduce the criticism and relieve the associated shame by fixing myself. But you can’t hate yourself into someone you love. Repeating an internal mantra of “This year, I will be good enough in someone else’s eyes” never did me much good.

And yet, identifying our desires and growth opportunities can be a wonderful individual or corporate practice. New Years offers us a marking of time and a chance to practice self-reflection. So if you are looking for practical ideas of assessing last year and dreaming of next steps, here are a few exercises to try by yourself or with a group of friends/family:

1. Pie of Life (Artists Way): This exercise offers a chance to evaluate your satisfaction in different spheres of life. You can use the suggested categories or add in others that feel important to add. Some of my favorites to include are Friends, Cognitive Challenge, and Sexuality. You can also split up categories to suit your needs (i.e. split Creativity and Play into separate categories). https://www.inningsgate.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/ARTIST-WAY_Life-Pie.pdf   2. Word Lists 1. Write 10 adjectives/adverbs that you are or are aspiring to be right now. (Try not to overthink this, its ok if the word does not fit you perfectly yetJ). 2. Write 10 adjectives/adverbs that you hope to be within 5 years. Try not to repeat. 3. Write 10 adjectives/adverbs that you hope to be within 10, 15, or 20 years. Try not to repeat. Oftentimes, we immediately think of nouns, like “I want to be a better friend” or “good at ___”. Using adjectives/adverbs forces us to define what it actually mean to be “better” in those relationships or professions. When we cannot repeat, we have to move past our quick answers and think more deeply about our desires.

 

3. Create a Personal Mission Statement

Our life goals change with time but it can be helpful to reflect on the consistent threads that run through our different jobs, relationships, and/or life stages.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202106/how-write-personal-mission-statement

 

4. Vision Boards

Vision boards are a visual way of expressing our goals but they do not have to involve collaging. Here are a few ideas!

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/g34946036/vision-board-ideas

 

5. Journaling Take an hour or two by yourself to write or draw your responses to question about your past year such as

1- How have you grown as a person?

2- What has been challenging? How did I respond during those times?

3- Where have I felt most alive? When did I most feel like me?

4- Where have I had a chance to use my gifts and talents?

5- What are new skills that I hope to cultivate in this next year?

6 – What do I want this year to be about?

7- If an outside observer watched a video of my life, where they could only see my actions not your words or thoughts, would your life show your values? Do your everyday actions reflect what is really important to you?

8 – Who do I want to be?

In 2019, my vision was “to authentically be more of who I am in a way that allows people to be more of who they are”. I learned to hide my neurodivergence and gender identity to be perceived as good enough. I realized the people I most admired were folks with contagious authenticity. When I was around people who were unashamed to be themselves, I felt more free to be me! And when I was not hiding, I was the best version of myself.

Over the past few years at Monarch, I have had the freedom to be an openly AuDHD, queer, and gender expansive therapist. That opportunity has been a gift to me. I am more free to live my best life as myself.  It has been an amazing journey to create space for others to live authentically as their best selves.

So, in 2024, I will be leaving Monarch to start a practice for neurodivergent, gender expansive, and queer folks. The world is not always made for us and there are not nearly enough places where we are able to be our true selves.

 

 

Thrive As You Are is a place where you do not have to conform or struggle while wearing a mask. There is no need to be any less of who you are. We will work with your unique strengths, interests, and desires to help create a life that YOU want to live. Who you are is enough! You are amazing!

If you want to learn more, please check out the website at www.thriveasyouare.org.

 

 

 

Note from Monarch:  While we are absolutely grieving Chris’s daily presence at Monarch, we are thrilled that they will be moving on to use their incredible clinical skills and dedication to clients to open a much-needed practice in our area.  Their 2019 resolution has truly benefitted us all, and we are immensely grateful for it.