Communicating in Relationships
February 14, 2025 | By Dana Harron
Source: Canva.com
Communicating Clearly in Relationships
Communicating clearly protects our relationships and brings us closer to others. Yet, as important as it is, we don’t often discuss how to communicate well in our culture. As a result, surprisingly few people learn to speak clearly and listen for understanding. The following communication strategies will help you strike the right tone, convey your intended meaning, and accurately hear what your partner is saying.
Timing Communications Well
Source: Canva.com
Never discuss loaded topics when you or your partner are irritable or in a hurry. It can be helpful to remember the acronym HALT, which comes from the substance abuse field: don’t pursue the conversation when either of you is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
Both of you should be in as centered and grounded a place as possible. Remember, you aren’t a mind reader, so it’s always a good idea to check with your partner to see if it’s a good time to talk before forging ahead with your topic. You can simply ask, “I’d like to talk to you about something. Is this a good time?
Using I-Statements
Just as important as what you say is what you should avoid saying. How do you feel when someone starts a sentence with “You are being…” and then goes on to characterize something you did or said? The structure of the “you-statement” usually puts the listener on the defensive, because what follows is likely to be either a criticism or an assumption about your experience (or both). Instead, I recommend using the “I-statement.”
The basic idea is that when you want to communicate how you are feeling, you focus on your own emotions. This ensures that you are only speaking for yourself, not your partner. Other people are likely to be more receptive to I-statements—after all, who can argue with you about how you feel?
Using I-statements doesn’t mean talking only about yourself, but it does mean discussing experiences only from your perspective
Some good I-statements would be:
I am worried about our relationship when we don’t spend much time together.
I feel hurt and angry when you say negative things about me.
I feel confused when I think things are going well, but you tell me you feel differently.
Keep in mind that I-statements are not accusations; they are a way of sharing information with your partner about what you’re experiencing.
Staying on Target
Source: Canva.com
When two people are having a difficult conversation, there is often a temptation to change the topic. You express concerns about your partner’s spending, and he feels anxious, retaliating by talking about your drinking. What do you do then?
Should you have a conversation about excessive drinking? Absolutely. Should you have it in the middle of a conversation about your partner’s spending? Absolutely not. When the conversation seems to be going off track, it can be helpful to say something like, “I agree that what you’re saying is an important conversation to have, and I’d be happy to talk about that with you at another time. But right now, I really want to express how I am feeling about X.”
Listening Well
Communication isn’t a one-way street! Make sure you understand what your partner is saying by using active listening strategies: lean forward, ask questions, and repeat back what you think you’ve heard.
It Takes Practice
By incorporating these strategies into your daily conversations, you can improve the quality of your communication and build stronger, more understanding relationships. Healthy communication takes practice, but it’s worth the effort for the sake of your emotional connection with others.
Reach Out
If you’re considering professional support, we’re here to help. Please reach out to schedule a free, no-commitment consultation. There’s no fee and no obligation—just click the button below to get started.
You can also call or text us at 202-656-3681, or email us directly. Give yourself the opportunity for the support you deserve.